Chicken Scratch

Assholes.

2010-01-06T03:29:43Z

I was walking to the grocery store when a guy at the bus stop got my attention. He and his girlfriend were trying to get to Everett, he said, and didn't have bus fare. I looked in my wallet and didn't have anything smaller than a $10 bill, but I went ahead and gave it to them. He seemed surprised and pleased, and thanked me.

On my way out of the grocery store, I saw the same guy and his girlfriend talking to someone on the sidewalk. They told him the same story about needing bus fare to get to Everett.

Fucking assholes.

When I confronted him, the guy spouted off some bullshit about the money getting swiped. Unfortunately, I was too shocked and pissed to do anything besides glare at him and walk away. Now, I wish I'd had the wherewithal to slap him in the ear.

Fucking fuckers.

Now I'm home, and I pet a purring kitty, and that helped some. And, really, it's not the worst thing that could've happened to me on the way home. I wasn't hurt or frightened or anything, but ... Goddammit. I feel like a sucker, and I wish I could've done something to keep those shitcocks from scamming other people. And wipe that smug smile off the guy's face while I was at it.

Reminders of why people are, on the whole, pretty cool would be much appreciated.

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Happy New Year, everyone

2010-01-01T05:12:31Z

Me, I'm sitting at home in my comfy sweats. I decided not to go to a party tonight, because I have three D&D games scheduled this weekend and I wanted to stay home and make sure all my characters got levelled. My priorities are either very wrong or very right.

Anyway, I haven't posted to my journal in a long time, but since I've used it to help me record life happenings in the past, I figured I should poke it back to life before the year officially ends. So here's a brief, sometimes shallow overview of things I remember that were significant to me in 2009:

January - President Obama was inaugurated. I don't think the reasons that he was elected are all good, or that it signals any sort of end to racism in the U.S., but I'm glad he was.

February - I had an email conversation with Penny Arcade's Tycho about racism in Resident Evil 5. It was an interesting experience, and my own nerdy brush with celebrity.

March - My apartment got vomited on by an upstairs water heater.

April - I got to see the lovely and talented Vienna Teng in concert.

May - My beloved ratzeo graduated from college. Also, my D&D character (the robot) helped kill a red dragon.

June - I saw RENT on stage (again), this time starring Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal, the original Mark and Roger.

July - I went to Vegas on a girls' trip for zinjadu's birthday. I also brought home Nexus, my first laptop of my very own.

August - My best friend from high school got married.

September - I began volunteering at a local cat shelter, which is significant to me both because I like doing it, and also I finally accepted that volunteering my time does not need to accomplish politically world-changing work, or otherwise "embody" my anti-oppression beliefs, in order to be worthwhile. I also saw Wicked on stage (again).

October - ratzeo celebrated our 5th anniversary. I also found out I have an ovarian cyst. So, you know, good and bad.

November - November was ... not an easy month for me, for various reasons that don't need to be laid out on a New Year's recap post. Some happily shallow things I remember about this month was my embarrassingly fervent obsession with Dancing With the Stars, and my introduction to Georgette Heyer novels.

December - I moved into a new apartment, which I hope to call home for a good long time.

2009 ... wasn't the kindest year to me, in a few ways, but I'm glad I had it. I've had a lot of blessings throughout, and I know that the difficulties I've faced are manageable and not permanent. I don't just accept the next year, but rather am determined to make it worthwhile.

So here's to 2010. May it treat you well, and give you reason to feel joy and wonder at being alive.

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Moved

2010-01-01T04:53:06Z

I'm not sure if anyone is even reading this journal anymore, but if you are, I've moved over to my Dreamwidth account, where I hope to blog more than I have been these past few months. I'll be crossposting entries here, since Dreamwidth has that nifty feature.

You can comment on Dreamwidth journals by using OpenID, or if you'd like to get an account of your own, I have a couple of invites. Just comment and ask.

De-lurking to say ...

2009-05-12T05:32:12Z

People of color/non-white fans of sci-fi/fantasy/speculative fiction, please stand up!

This roll call from deadbrowalking is a response to yet another white SFF writer displaying ignorance of the long-standing presence of fans of color - not yet six months after RaceFail '09. You don't have to write anything lengthy or clever - this post is merely an attempt to get a (however incomplete) count of fans of color, after the nth time a white writer/reader said, "Wow, there's non-white people in SFF?"

And people wonder why we need to specify "'09" after "RaceFail" ... The ignorance is here, again, still.

Version 2.1 of the sex meme

2009-04-05T05:15:41Z

I think this will be the last version. XD Maybe if other people find places for improvement, we can even get a whole new, different meme?

The list of contributors is: me, lunapome, laylah, ratzeo, puella_nerdii, maho_kiwi, niwatorimegami, and das_dingsi (IJ). In this version, the latest modifications are in bold.

1. How do you define the act of sex for yourself? Use this definition to answer the following questions.
2. Are you comfortable talking about sex with casual acquaintances, or only trusted friends? What makes you comfortable enough to talk about your sex life?
3. How would you describe your sexual identity? Has it changed over time? You may find it helpful to refer to the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
4. Do you masturbate? Why or why not?
5. Have you ever had sex with someone of the same sex? Of a different sex than your own?
6. What are your criteria for a sexual partner?
7. How do you establish boundaries of trust/comfort/respect regarding sex?
8. Do you enjoy sex outside of established relationships? What about it is/is not appealing to you? If yes, where do you find your partners?
9. Do you enjoy sex with more than one person at a time? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
10. Do you enjoy sex toys? If yes, what toys do you have?
11. What are three of your favorite sexual acts, positions, kinks, or toys during sex with partners?
12. Same question, but during sex by yourself?
13. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
14. What is your favorite body part to lavish attention on, on a partner? Why?
15. What is your favorite body part of your own to have attention lavished upon? Why?
16. Do you prefer to fantasize during sex, or do you prefer to focus your attention on what's going on in the moment?
17. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
18. Does location affect how much you enjoy sex? Where is your favorite location to have sex?
19. Where is the most unconventional place you have had sex?
20. Do you watch/read pornography? If so, do you prefer watching or reading?
21. What do you like best about pornography? What do you dislike the most?
22. Do you enjoy taking off clothing and/or being sexual for money? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
23. Do you enjoy sex in the shower or the bath? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
24. Do you enjoy the idea of being seen or caught having sex? Why or why not? Has this ever happened to you, whether or not it was intentional on your part?
25. Do you enjoy going to strip clubs? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
26. Do you enjoy being photographed or videotaped in sexual situations? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
27. Do you enjoy phonesex? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
28. Do you enjoy cybersex? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
29. Do you enjoy going to sex stores? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
30. Share your favorite embarrassing sex story about yourself.
31. What is something you'd like to try but haven't gotten to yet? A sexual position, a kink, a sex toy? What intrigues you about it?
32. If you could bend the laws of reality, what currently impossible sex act would you like to try?

Sex Question Meme, ver. 2.0

2009-04-04T04:08:08Z

For those who want it, here's an alternate version of the sex meme, hopefully more interesting and free of damaging assumptions. Co-written by me, lunapome, laylah, ratzeo, puella_nerdii, and maho_kiwi.

Please share as you see fit. If there are any glaring errors or problems, feel free to comment and I'll fix them.

Enjoy!

1. How do you define the act of sex for yourself? Use this definition to answer the following questions.
2. Are you comfortable talking about sex with casual acquaintances, or only trusted friends? What makes you comfortable enough to talk about your sex life?
3. How would you describe your sexual identity? Has it changed over time? You may find it helpful to refer to the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
4. Do you masturbate? Why or why not?
5. Have you ever had sex with someone of the same sex? Of a different sex than your own?
6. What are your criteria for a sexual partner?
7. How do you establish boundaries of trust/comfort/respect regarding sex?
8. Do you enjoy sex outside of established relationships? What about it is/is not appealing to you? If yes, where do you find your partners?
9. Do you enjoy sex with more than one person at a time? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
10. Do you enjoy sex toys? If yes, what toys do you have?
11. What are three of your favorite sexual acts, positions, kinks, or toys during sex with partners?
12. Same question, but during sex by yourself?
13. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
14. What is your favorite body part to lavish attention on, on a partner? Why?
15. What is your favorite body part of your own to have attention lavished upon? Why?
16. Do you prefer to fantasize during sex, or do you prefer to focus your attention on what's going on in the moment?
17. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
18. Does location affect how much you enjoy sex? Where is your favorite location to have sex?
19. Where is the most unconventional place you have had sex?
20. Do you watch/read pornography? If so, do you prefer watching or reading?
21. What do you like best about pornography? What do you dislike the most?
22. Do you enjoy taking off clothing and/or being sexual for money? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
23. Do you enjoy sex in the shower or the bath? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
24. Have you ever been caught having sex?
25. Do you enjoy going to strip clubs? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
26. Do you enjoy being photographed or videotaped in sexual situations? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
27. Do you enjoy phonesex? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
28. Do you enjoy cybersex? If you haven't tried it, would you like to? Explain why, or why not.
29. Share your favorite embarrassing sex story about yourself.
30. What is something you'd like to try but haven't gotten to yet? A sexual position, a kink, a sex toy? What intrigues you about it?
31. If you could bend the laws of reality, what currently impossible sex act would you like to try?

Vienna Teng in Seattle

2009-03-16T01:04:18Z

Vienna Teng will hold a concert at the Triple Door on Tuesday, April 21 for her new album, Inland Territory. Anyone want to come with me?

Two things you can do for women

2009-02-24T05:20:13Z

Yes, you! From the comfort of your computer chair!

1. Donate to Home Alive

Home Alive is a Seattle-based anti-violence organization that has presented community-based responses to violence since 1993. However, severe lack of funding has caused them to cut back on their work, and even lose their office space. They are very much in need of financial support right now.

LETTER FROM THE BOARD CHAIR

As a previous class participant, friend, or donor to Home Alive, you know that Home Alive is a Seattle-based anti-violence non-profit organization that offers sliding scale self-defense and boundary setting classes. Thanks to the work of hundreds of dedicated people who have taken classes, produced events, and donated time and expertise; we are entering our 16th year as a violence prevention organization.

In January, the board, joined by four active instructors and the office staff, had a frank conversation about our finances, the state of our organizational capacity, and the history of those things for the past several years.

We explored lots of options. After careful consideration and thoughtful conversation, the group of people participating in the meeting agreed unanimously that we want Home Alive’s mission to live on and program to continue, but our current organizational structure is not supporting those goals.

Toward that end, and considering the financial realities of the organization, we agreed to end our current office lease at the end of February, not hire a new program director, stop hosting a VISTA , and reduce classes until we have a viable plan. We agreed to work together to explore our options for Home Alive to continue in a different form.

As a member of our community, we need your support now more than ever. If you have time over the next few days to move a few boxes, can loan a dolly or a truck, have an idea for a fundraising event, or want to volunteer your time or expertise to ensure that Home Alive continues to fulfill our mission in a sustainable way, email info@homealive.org.

Thank you for being a part of our community. Your support, contributions, and participation are paramount to Home Alive’s future success.

If you have questions or concerns, please email homealiveboard@gmail.com and a board member will respond as soon as they can.

Brett Houghton
Home Alive Board Chair

You can ensure that Home Alive’s affordable, proactive, and socially conscious anti-violence education is available to everyone.
Donate online through this link:

https://secure.groundspring.org/dn/index.php?aid=13929

Or send checks to:
1122 E. Pike St. PMB #1127, Seattle WA 98122

Please consider donating to help keep Home Alive functional. Every little bit helps.

2. Support the first Asian Women Blog Carnival

ciderpress is launching this carnival in April. The call for submissions has details and background, but here's the basic information:

The definition of Asian, within the scope of this carnival, includes people from East Asia, Central Asia, South Asia, North Asia, South-East Asia, Far East, Middle East, Near East and people of Asian descent living in non-Asian countries. The definition of women, within the scope of this carnival, includes transwomen and cisgendered women.

[...] I would like to highlight the diversity of Asian women and topics regarding identity in Asian majority and Asian minority cultures. Submissions can range from feminism, representation, culture, history, work, activism, beauty, health, sexuality, politics, economics, philosophy, class, education, religion, how we identify and relate to other PoC groups, personal stories etc.

Please feel free to submit your own posts or suggest good posts or links by someone else for this carnival. This carnival is not livejournal specific, please feel free to participate from other journalling sites and blogs. You may submit multiple posts. Submissions from from women and men of colour as well as allies are welcome.

All types of work, such as essays, prose, poems, personal narratives are accepted.

According to these criteria, every single one of you is eligible to contribute to this carnival! You have until April 3 - go for it!

x-posted to IJ

Seattle folks!

2009-02-13T05:43:22Z

RENT is returning to Seattle!

With Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp playing Roger and Mark!!

I thought I was tired of RENT ... When I first saw that it would be playing here, I thought, "Eh, maybe." But - but - Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp! The original Roger and Mark!

(Granted, if you'd asked me to pick two members of the original Broadway cast to see performing live, I probably would've chosen Jesse L. Martin and Idina Menzel above these two ... but just barely.)

June 16-21, you guys! Who's coming with me?

Helpful giveaway?

2009-01-01T23:50:07Z

Apropos of nothing (don't think I'm bucking trends here - a navel-gazing New Year's post will be on my regular journal soon), does anyone local have a use for small, rectangular metal tins?

I've ordered a lot of tea samples from Adagio over the years, and now I have a bunch of empty tins that I don't know what to do with. I have re-used some of them to store loose spices and other teas, but I still have over a dozen that are sitting empty in my cupboard. I was going to chuck them into recycling, but I figured they might be one of those odd, random objects that are very useful under the right circumstances.

Relevant info:

-I have over a dozen of these tins (twice as many if you count the ones I'm still in the process of using up), and will give as many of them to as many people as want them.
-They are rectangular and measure about 4 x 4 x 6 in centimeters and 1.5 x 1.5 x 2.5 in inches.
-I don't know exactly what kind of metal they're made of, but they are ferrous (which I found out when I tested to see if they're recyclable).
-A few of them stored fruity herbal teas, and the scent of the teas was strong enough that they still permeate the tins a bit. I wouldn't use these for storing other teas or spices, but they're still good for non-food items, like beads, needles, or small figures.

Let me know if you want any, and I'll bring them next time I see you.

x-posted

Jumping on the wishlist bandwagon

2008-11-25T22:21:20Z

For anyone interested in what I would like for my birthday, or Christmas:

1. Last year I asked for people to make donations to social justice organizations for my gifts, and I would like to do so again. Here are my top choices for organizations - these are all based on my own knowledge, and are local to me, so don't limit yourself to my suggestions if you know of other worthy causes.

- Communities Against Rape and Abuse, a Seattle-based activist organization working to end violence against marginalized communities
- Cocoon House, a Snohomish County organization which provides social services to homeless and at-risk youth (and where a good friend of mine works)
- Progressive Animal Welfare Society (the Seattle one), where I adopted Kershach, and which does good things for cats
- Solid Ground, a Seattle organization that supports disadvantaged communities with a social justice approach
- Refugee Women's Alliance, a Puget Sound organization that supports refugee and immigrant women and their families
- Real Change, Seattle-based poverty advocacy

Also, if you can let me know that you made a donation, by sending a card or an email, I'd love it.

2. I love fanworks of my D&D characters, like art or fic or figs (like the Nexus fig that lunapome made for me ^_____^). My current characters are Nexus from ratzeo's game and Danny from casaval's game, though I still (always) love to see things for Gwen (from chasdini's game) and Sae (from irishninja's game).

3. I could use a good kitchen knife (or two). I don't need anything fancy, but I only have one quality knife and sometimes that's a pain.

4. Season Four of Doctor Who on DVD. 8D

5. I am a tea addict and would love gift certificates to feed my Adagio addiction. XD

6. Also, my cat is spoiled and I would love gift certificates to spend at Mud Bay for his supplies.

7. Continuing the gift certificate theme: Amazon is my crack, and I order just about everything from there (books, music, even shoes ...).

8. And if that's not enough gift certificates, I also buy pretty much all my clothes from Macy's.

9. And for the ridiculous: a new computer? Mine is a few years old and keeps popping up with problems. :P

10. And for the really ridiculous: a kotatsu! (This is all niwatorimegami's fault. XD)

To anyone who plans to make use of this list: thank you in advance. :D

By the way, I find other people's lists reeeeaaallly useful when Christmas shopping ... *hint*

x-posted to IJ

Heads up

2008-11-21T17:28:40Z

For those of you who, like me, need a spot of brightness in your day, I'm doing the "why I like you" meme here.

Last chance to express your opposition to the so-called conscience rule

2008-09-20T03:43:59Z

naamah_darling tells you exactly why it's an execrable rule, and exactly how you can help defeat it.

Please, please write an email or letter. Even if you just send an email saying nothing more than, "I oppose the proposed provider conscience regulation," that will tell them that one more person does not want this rule to go into effect.

You may not be as passionate about reproductive rights as me. You may not agree, in whole or in part, with my beliefs about birth control. But I hope you can see why it's frightening and infuriating that health care providers could be allowed to prevent adult, informed women from making legal choices about their own personal health.

You have less than a week left on the comment period. I don't care if you're normally not politically active. This is a simple thing to do, and it could be so important. Please write an email for the women you care about - yourself? A relative? Me?

x-posted to IJ

I know, I know, I only come to LJ when I want something ...

2008-08-25T20:34:13Z

ratzeo's and my new apartment (♥♥♥) is in need of a vacuum cleaner. Since I'll be getting a cat at some point, I'd like to buy a vacuum that works well on pet hair, so I come to the communal expertise of the Internet. Do any cat owners out there have a recommendation for a reliable, not-horrendously-expensive machine? (My coworkers rave about the Dyson vacuum, but those things run upwards of $400, so ...)

x-posted to IJ

Job

2008-07-16T21:09:31Z

Just a reminder, my old position is now open. If you are interested in applying (it's a receptionist/office assistant position) drop me a line and I can give you info and advice. It's a decent job - not without its frustrations and limitations, as you can probably tell by my various complaints over the months - but overall a good place to be for at least a year or so. The position closes on Friday the 25th, so let me know ASAP if you want to apply.

x-posted to IJ

Donations?

2008-07-14T23:58:41Z

I have another question! But this one is less selfish.

Back at the beginning of summer, I set a goal for myself to start making regular monetary donations to worthy causes if I got a promotion/raise. And since I did, I want to make good on that goal. I have a few places in mind already, but I was hoping I could get some suggestions of other places to look into.

I would like to focus my attention on activist organizations that set anti-oppression as an overarching goal for their work - groups that seek to fix not only the symptoms (like providing shelter for people escaping abusive relationships or providing food for the homeless) but also the causes (like rape culture or institutionalized racism). Not that the former isn't vitally important - that would be asinine - but I really want to support organizations that are about dismantling unequal power relationships. CARA is a really excellent example of this strategy.

So if you have any suggestions, that would be great. Especially for places that I might overlook because of my focus on race and gender activism - maybe groups supporting trans youth, homeless families, etc. Give me a shake-up of my own privilege while we're at it, yeah?

x-posted to IJ

Apartment-hunting help?

2008-07-11T17:31:33Z

Seattle-area folks:

ratzeo and I are in search of a place to live come September. I've been searching for about a month now, mostly using craiglist and Rent.com, with no luck, and I'm approaching the hair-tearing frustration stage ... If anyone has advice about where to look or who to contact, it would be much appreciated.

If it helps, here's what we're looking for: a 2-bedroom apartment or house of reasonable rent (say, $1000ish, depending on the place), generally in the area bordered by Fremont-Green Lake-Wedgwood-Laurelhurst-Wallingford. I'd like it to be a place that allows cats, because I want to get one sometime after the move.

If you can help me find a place, I'll love you forever. (Barring that, if you have any recommendations of where to get boxes or hire movers, that would be great.)

Thanks!

x-posted to IJ

Save same-sex marriage in California!

2008-06-29T23:50:52Z

Opponents of same-sex marriage are seeking to reverse the California Supreme Court ruling in June of this year, which legalized same-sex marriage in that state. These forces want to put a constitutional amendment to vote in November that will take that right away.

livelongnmarry is an LJ community seeking to raise money for the efforts against this proposed amendment. Artists of all kinds are offering their services for bidding/purchasing, which you pay for by donating to same-sex marriage activist efforts.

For those (like me) who are not in fandom and do not wish to bid, we can just make donations directly to an organization. The community profile includes a list of suggested organizations. I picked Equality For All, which is a coalition of groups supporting gay and lesbian rights, as well as trans people, African Americans, and Asian Americans. You can donate directly through their website via credit card, for any amount. So even if you can't afford much, you can throw in what you can for a good cause.

(hat-tip: laylah)

sigelphoenix @ 2008-05-30T08:06:00

2008-05-30T15:09:19Z

It's some weird person's birthday today or something, I don't know.

XD

Happy birthday, kyonkun!

LJ Advisory Board Election

2008-05-29T19:04:35Z

The LJ Advisory Board election is being held today, and naamah_darling has posted important information about keeping a sexist, anti-Semitic, ableist, all-around asshole from winning.

Read her post, and then friendshipper's post for concise, informative explanations. And then vote. It's easy and fast, leads to a modicum of improvement in LJ-land, and also - may favorite part - lets you join in pissing off a trolling fuckwit.

Returning to LJ for a moment to say -

2008-04-23T23:22:25Z

Happy birthday, lunapome!

Everyone go wish her a good one, because she deserves it!

Today's happy list

2008-04-16T16:34:58Z

InsaneJournal continues to be down, but should be restored today. In the meantime, here are the things getting me through the mid-week slump.

1. I made a giant batch of soup last night, using this super-easy but tasty recipe. (Just a note - I find it a little too salty, so you may want to add plain water.)

2. I made a semi-impulse buy and ordered a coffee maker and coffee grinder yesterday. I don't drink coffee on a regular basis, but I have been drinking it more lately; and this way I won't have to make a trip upstairs to the coffee stand every time.

3. Work on the Warmakers 4-koma continues. It's slow-going, because I'm so not good at humorous art ... but hey, it's a new skill to develop.

4. My BPAL order arrived! I still have to go pick it up from nekokoban, but ... my BPAL order arrived! :D Also, I'm wearing Bengal today, and while it's not my one of my favorites so far, it's still quite nice.

5. ratzeo is running game on Sunday!

Joss Whedon on the murder of Dua Khalil

2008-04-15T18:54:21Z

[InsaneJournal is down and won't let me update, so I'm back to LJ for today.]

Today I found a link to Joss Whedon's commentary on the murder of Dua Khalil, a young woman who was killed almost exactly one year ago. Her death is yet another instance of the abuse of women being treated as a spectator sport - and in the year since, that has not changed. The reason Joss' entry surfaced again is that a charity anthology, Nothing But Red, was written to commemorate Khalil's murder and raise money for Equality Now, and it has just been released.

I never read Joss' entry last year, but I'm glad I found it now. If you are like me and also missed it, I want to bring this it to your attention now for two reasons: the first is that, as to be expected, Joss writes very eloquently about Khalil's death, as well as the pervasiveness of misogyny and sexual oppression.

The second reason is this quote:

"Women’s inferiority – in fact, their malevolence -- is as ingrained in American popular culture as it is anywhere they’re sporting burkhas. I find it in movies, I hear it in the jokes of colleagues, I see it plastered on billboards, and not just the ones for horror movies. Women are weak. Women are manipulative. Women are somehow morally unfinished."

I appreciate that Joss does not use this event as a call to arms for feminism that relies on perpetuating racist and imperialist power differences. In other words, he does not seek to protect women from misogyny by redirecting our malice against non-white men and non-U.S. cultures. Too often, the response - the feminist response, even - to news such as this is one of, "Look how awful they are," and "We should help those women over there." Villainizing minority men, infantilizing minority women, and ignoring the whole heap of steaming bullshit that is sexism in the United States.

I do not feel safe from misogyny for being born in the U.S. In fact, when my so-called "liberal" or "progressive" male peers decry "foreign" sexism but refuse to acknowledge the necessity of combatting or even acknowledging their own privilege - I don't feel very safe at all. Finding one more male ally who not only challenges his male privilege, but also refuses to soothe his ego by relying on his racial privilege, gives me some hope.

sigelphoenix @ 2007-12-21T10:19:00

2007-12-21T18:20:05Z

I have a feed for my IJ (I think). It looks like it's working so far.

sigelphoenix_ij

Return of "The Nice Guy"

2007-12-18T19:56:32Z

Hey, girls! Don't you know that when a guy provides you with emotional intimacy, it is your obligation to be "reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy"?

No? Well, that's why you can't find a Nice Guy to date, obviously. Because don't you know, having an emotional connection with someone is only and ever important to a dude for the sake of getting at the poontang.

Yeah, it's more "Women are shallow bitches! I only treat you well because I expect sex in return! ... Women must not like me because I'm too nice, right?" ranting from another socially backward privilege-boy drowning in his own sense of entitlement. The letter itself is pretty painful to read, with the amount of "That? I deserve that because I have a penis" going on.

Luckily, Mightgodking's response makes it all worthwhile. And Ragnell has a more productive and slightly less snarky breakdown of The Nice Guy here.

I admit that The Nice Guy is kind of a sore spot for me, because I had plenty of personal experience with the phenomenon back in high school. And then, interestingly enough, my relationship with ratzeo started out with some of the same structure that Nice Guys attempt to exploit - he was my best friend who also helped me through some dating woes. But then (shockingly!) he did not expect me to fall over myself with gratitude at the fact that he was a decent person, nor to express that gratitude with sexual favors. In fact, when we started dating a long time later, we entered into a mutually respectful relationship that wasn't predicated on him fostering a false sense of guilt-ridden indebtedness in me. And, wonder of wonders, that made me a lot happier. Who knew.

So, yeah - as someone who has been inflicted with The Nice Guy, as someone whose partner could have been a Nice Guy but wasn't, and as someone who herself was socially awkward and could have become a Nice Girl - I have no sympathy. Guys like this neither need, nor deserve, anything beyond a bit of social education and their own right hands.

x-posted to IJ