Am getting shocked by every available metal surface in the office. All day long and repeatedly.

What the hell, static electricity. Why are you out to get me?

This better, like, give me super powers or something.

Count me among the people who are sick. *sigh* And I was doing so well over the weekend, too; I'd almost kicked it.

I'm going to try to go into work tomorrow, because I, um, only have one day of sick leave left. And though I told myself I wouldn't freak out if I ran out and had to go unpaid, I didn't expect something like that to happen this soon. Especially since I will soon need to pay off my credit card bill from all my Christmas shopping.

What sucks is that, when I stay home sick, I can't do anything. I try to rest my body, but there's only so much you can sleep in a day. I don't have the energy or mental focus to do anything productive, even though I have a great book I want to read, or shiny new markers I want to color with (thanks to shadawyn!). Instead I just listlessly surf the internet. And write whiny LJ entries, I guess.

I woke up this morning sleep-deprived, because I stayed up late for game, and in pain, because my shoulder decided to stop functioning correctly last night and send sharp pains down my upper arm whenever I raise it at a certain angle or put weight on it.

I decided the state of my morning merited a cup of coffee.

I spilled the coffee, which then poured off my desk and onto my surge protector.

Luckily, nothing exploded and I had enought time to properly turn off the things that were plugged in (computer, monitor, printer). I tossed the surge protector, wiped the power cords, and have since received a new surge protector from our tech support department.

The telephone at the front desk has also partially stopped functioning. This is more annoying than work-stopping, but I still want to get it fixed as soon as possible. Someone will be coming to fix it tomorrow morning, or, if I'm lucky, this afternoon.

I'll probably take a nap when I get home, and continue working on my shoulder to see if I can stretch or massage the problem away. So everything should be fixable. I just need to get past the Monday-ness of today.

One bright spot in my morning has been my co-worker lending me Indigenizing the Academy, an anthology about progressive/anti-colonialist scholarship. It'll be my first bit of "academic" reading since I got out of school, so I'm a little intimidated but also very interested.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

( Gratuitous whining below )

The bad:

-I'm so tired. -_- Two days this week, I've been so exhausted I just laid down, and ended up waking up two or three hours later, when it was my bedtime - which is unusual for me, because usually my body just wakes up naturally after half an hour or an hour. I wonder if it's hormonal. :/ In either case, I'm hoping to catch up on rest this weekend.

-Also, I can't help maho_kiwi and laylah in their move this weekend (though the reason is good; see below). Now, it's not like I would be that much help, since my spindly arms have the load-bearing capacity of cooked bacon. But I could at least be another set of hands.

The good:

-My parents are coming up to visit on Saturday, which is why I'm busy that day. I haven't seen them since ... graduation? Long enough, at least, that I still have their London souvenirs sitting on my desk.

-Tonight, my schedule looks like this: 1) go home and grab dinner, 2) bake brownies and take them to zinjadu's apartment for a sculpey party to make figures of our characters for ratzeo's game. 8D I'm still not sure what exactly I'll make, since I don't have a final character design for Nexus. However, kyonkun gave me the helpful suggestion of painting a flower on it. XD

-Things are moving forward at work to put me in a more visible recruiting/advising role for prospective students. Eeee. Which, hell, is something I've been learning to do for four years now, since I started out as a student employee.

Now, I know it seems weird for me to be excited about this, considering how much I complain about my phone calls - but what I hate is stupid people, not advising. If I were in an advising role, I would have the authority to *tell* people that they're being stupid, and that it *won't* help them get into the school. XD And I'll also be able to encourage people who are being smart. Plus more marketable skills for my resume zomg.

Nothing makes my morning like getting a gift of breakfast pastry surprise visit from ratzeo, who hopped from his workplace to mine to interrupt my monotonous morning. And also brought me a breakfast pastry. XD

For those of you who are pastry-less (... and ratzeo-less? O_o), I give you Adrian Pasdar picspam (hat-tip: linaerys). If Adrian Pasdar is your type, there's some lovely eyecandy in here. If not, enjoy the shots of him being a total dork with Masi Oka. XD Also check out the cute Nathan/Hiro fanart in the comments.

London was wonderful, as was Edinburgh (the latter city being slightly more my style, though both were fun). Thanks again to zinjadu for being my London Buddy. :D

I want to say more about the trip, but right now my brain is fried from jet lag. I also want to catch up on blog reading, but I somehow think that isn't going to happen. Drop me a comment if there's anything in particular I need to read.

It's just as well that I'm not starting the new job this week. I don't think I could handle 8-5 right now. >_>

One day left before zinjadu and I flee the country (breathe, Dora, breathe!) and I'm just about ready to go. All my stuff is ready and just needs to be put in my suitcase. I've even managed to work within the regulations on liquid substances (which, by the way, includes liquid gel cap OTC medicines because they're semi-liquid - which begs the question, what would happen if I packed a cat?). Everything is in order and ready to go.

Now if my debit card would just get here already, dammit.

As you might expect, I'm going to have very little Internet access for the next two weeks. I'm going to try to check my email every few days or so, because I should be getting a notification about my prospective job soon. But besides that, I think I'd rather spend my time seeing the sights - so that means no blog-reading (gasp!). So if there's anything you want to talk to me about, speak now or for-two-weeks hold your peace.

The prospect of going blog-less for a couple of weeks meant that I was eager to get my fill of blogs ... but also a little hesitant, because most of the worthwhile content I read is also rage-inducing in one form or another, and I don't want to start my vacation off on a sour note. But the Internet gods must be smiling on me, because I found a lot of things that pleased me:

( links! )

Okay, that's it from me for now. See you in July!

( I AM VERY EXCITED RIGHT NOW )

Also, rivendellrose, I replied to your comment on the postcard entry with a question - did you get it?

On Tuesday, I turned in my last final paper. On Wednesday, I had my English department graduation ceremony. Once Sunday hits, I'll have the Women Studies ceremony and my last bit of school will be over.

I feel like I should be more ... I don't know. Depressed? Moved, in some fashion?

Maybe it's because I'm still feverishly preparing for the Women Studies graduation. I'm still running the gauntlet of job interviews in preparation of having a position when I get back from London. And then there's the preparation for London. All these things are drawing my focus away from what's ending and towards the next thing coming up.

This is weird for me. Normally I don't like change. I mull over it; I worry about it and sometimes fear it. My attention is usually on the loss more than the new opportunity. But right now, it's the opposite. I know what's over, but I haven't really felt it. I feel really calm and accepting about it.

In a way, I find this equanimity disappointing. I don't like the feeling of something ending ... but I do dwell on that feeling, even revel in it, in a weird, masochistic way. Probably because the feeling of loss is proportional to how good something was in the first place, and letting that loss wash over me is bittersweet.

(I find myself really liking this Death icon. Her brand of inner peace is not naive, but very knowing and accepting. It's appealing, and kind of comforting.)

I'm vaguely worried that all my angst will build up, and once everything I'm planning gets resolved - I come back from London, start a new job - I'll get hit with everything at once and get really emo. XD;;

I thought I was going to avoid getting a case of the woobs before I finished up with school, but now that I'm sitting at home on a quiet Sunday night, they're starting to creep up on me.

I managed to hold out on Thursday, when I had my last day of (undergraduate) classes; and on Friday, when I had my last ADP showing. But now, as I sit in front of my computer to write my last paper, I'm beginning to feel the sort of wistful nostalgia that hits me when things are ending. Over writing my last paper. How nerdy is that?

It's just as well that I will most likely (hopehopehope) end up working at my current office after graduation. If I had to think about saying goodbye to that place, too, I'd probably be hopelessly wooby.

I think the reason I've been able to keep the woobiness from hitting me thus far is that I've just been too damn busy to have time to dwell on much of anything. But I finally hit the peak of my busyness, and I'm on the downward slope. About a month ago I made a spreadsheet of all the obligations I had through June (nerd points x 2!!), and as I look at it now it's about half the size it originally was. Three of my courses are completely taken care of. My obsessive job search is finally tapering off, and I only have a couple of interviews left before (I think) I settle on something. The Women Studies graduation still looms over my head, but at this point there's no more time for major decisions or changes in plans, so for better or for worse it's going to happen according to the plans I've set up so far.

So now I have some breathing room, which means time to brood. And it's a rainy summer evening, which always makes me nostalgic and squishy. So I start thinking Deep Thoughts about life changes and personal growth and the transience of circumstances.

I hope I can still accomplish everything I need to before degenerating into a pile of reminiscing wibbliness. :P

P.S. Thank you to everyone who's put up with me being stressed out, flaily, anti-social, etc. for the past quarter. ^^;

Anyone out there have advice on money matters for international travel?

As some of you know, I'm going to London with zinjadu next month, and I'm trying to figure out how to handle money for the trip. I'm sorting through the options of credit cards, travelers checks, ATMs, plain old cash ... and trying to juggle all that with considerations about conversion rates, overseas fees, and security are making my eyes cross. If anyone out there has experience with international travel (particularly U.S. to UK) and can give me some tips, I would be eternally grateful.

ETA for personal reference:
-Citibank charges 3% on international transactions
-Visa charges 1% on international transactions
-bank charges 1% on international withdrawals and debit transactions
-$2 for using foreign ATM [may be changed in near future]

Some time this morning, I was sitting at my desk and doing some reading when a bird flew into my window. I didn't actually see it happen, just noticed a shadow in my peripheral vision an instant before I heard a thunk right above my head, where my window is located. My brain caught up after the fact, deciding that the shadow was approximately bird-sized and connecting it to the sound.

I stood up and looked out my window, and sure enough, there was a bird on the concrete path between my room (which is on ground-level) and the neighbors' yard. It was actually pretty horrific looking out, because I wasn't sure if I should expect to see a dead or bloody bird. Then I saw that it was actually moving, but I couldn't tell for several seconds whether it was trying to get up off its back or was in some sort of death throes.

Eventually I determined that it was the former, and then I wasn't sure what to do - how does one handle such a situation, anyway? The bird was on its back, but its legs were kicking and its head was moving, so I figured it couldn't be severely injured. I think it was having trouble flipping over with only the power of its legs and without anything to brace itself against, so I decided to try to help. (Imagine me trekking out there in PJs and a robe, keys in one hand and a large piece of cardboard in the other.)

Once I got within about 5 feet of it, though, it managed to right itself. It didn't move, but I also know that some birds freeze up as a defense mechanism, so I figured I should leave. I watched it from inside until it moved - its first hop was really clumsy, but its head was moving fine and it wasn't dragging either of its wings - and eventually it went over to the neighbors' picket fence and crawled between two posts. A few minutes later it was gone.

I'm hoping it was just hiding in the fence while it recovered, and left on its own, because ... well, otherwise I'd be really sad. And guilty, because I had pulled up the blinds on my window, which is a single pane of glass and could easily fool birds. It's not very big, and it's surrounded by the wall of the house, so this hasn't ever happened before. But still.

Yeah. Crazy morning.

( this morning )

( Tuesday )

( actual important news )

So all this stuff has combined to create a weird kind of headspace for me. Not good or bad, per se. Just weird.

Although part of the effect might be due to the coffee. :P I really need to lay off for a while.

I skipped a paper because I could, and I feel very bad about this.

Partly, I'm just worried about whether it was a practical decision. This class has four of these papers assigned throughout the quarter, but only three are required, meaning one will be dropped. Since the paper I just skipped is the first one we've had, I wonder if I've used my optional freebie too soon, and will regret it later on when end-of-quarter busyness hits.

Also, I'm worried because I really had no good reason not to do this paper. Last week, my research paper ate me alive; but I had time to write this paper over the weekend. And then I didn't. So I planned on writing it today. And then I didn't. (It's due tomorrow in class, and I could stay up to write it, but I know I won't.) I had the time to do it; but I sabotaged myself - first with self-doubt, and then laziness and lack of motivation were the nails in the coffin.

I know, this is pretty obvious senioritis, and it's not a big deal. I'm just worried about it becoming a pattern - that I'll get into the habit of taking the out when it's offered and not push myself. I know I'm safe for the rest of the quarter, because everything from here on out is required and I don't have the luxury of laziness (not if I want to get summa, dammit). But after I graduate, when I don't have school to push me ... Even if I end up with a challenging and stimulating job, that won't provide me with the learning and writing and analyzing that school does. And will I have the strength of will to acquire those things myself?

... Or am I just being paranoid and over-analyzing, as per usual? :P I think it's worthwhile to consider this concern, though, and I hope I can keep it from overwhelming me without losing sight of it.

These past couple of weeks have been pretty crazy, and not just because of my illness and research paper panic. I also finished up my first ever roleplaying campaign just yesterday, after marathoning the last few sessions.

( herein lies woob and geekery )

This entry is partially a GIP for my new "I'm so emo" icon. *points* I figure if I have something like that for all of my emo-tastic posts, I won't be able to take myself too seriously. XD;;

I'm not actually depressed or anything right now, just ... tired. I have less patience for, and feel worn out more easily by, the two important 'serious' things in my life: school and politics. (The other important, but not 'serious' things, like friends and gaming, remain fun. :D)

( cut for not-quite-emo )

I've sort of disappeared from socializing this quarter. I've been working on it, though, and trying to improve my social habits so I do things with more substance than just spend my Saturdays gaming. (It's fun, but not exactly the height of interpersonal relations. :P) Or just being at ratzeo's apartment to do homework, and occasionally leaving his room to procrastinate with zinjadu.

I think I'm succeeding, as much as is possible at the moment. I don't go out during the week, but I give myself plenty of time to goof off on weekends. On Saturday I got to see laylah and maho_kiwi! ... for, uh ... gaming. But still! And last weekend I watched ratzeo, uh ... ran his game for the First Time Gamers Club. Um. But at least I get to, you know, see and talk to people. It's good for keeping my brains healthy.

ratzeo and I have been trying to go on actual dates, too, rather than just bumming around at each other's places all weekend. (It's best not to let ourselves get into a rut after only two years. XD) It's been surprising to have so much fun just going out to a nice restaurant. I don't think we're cool enough to keep up with mainstream dating on a regular basis, though. 8D

I wish I had more time for online socializing, though - blogging and commenting and the like. I keep letting comments sit in my inbox without replying to them, and I feel like I haven't gotten to write a substantial entry in months. I've got a ton of things I'd like to write about, because so many things are making me thoughtful and/or angry - and writing helps me focus that anger into something useful - but I'm such a slow writer that I always end up spending a couple of hours on an article, and I can't really justify that. One of the things I look forward to in my post-graduation transition to regular employment is that I should have time to blog more, either at work if I get an office job, or in the evenings when I have no homework to keep me busy. It's just three months away. XO

At the moment, the workload of my classes is tapering off in order to give us time to work on term papers. It's kind of overwhelming at the moment because I'm writing a research paper for the first time in god-only-knows. And I probably should have been working on it throughout the quarter. But I started my research a whole three weeks before the due date! XD;; And I'm really interested in my topic - the ways in which Native women and other women of color have been excluded from their ethnic identities, particularly due to marriage, sexuality, and sexual violence - but the process of fishing out information and organizing it is making me go O_o.

I'm at the point, though, where my head won't stop whirling with plans and worries. I just end up taking naps - even when I'm not particularly tired - in order to make my brain go silent. :P I think I'll go do that now - things always seem more manageable after a break.

That's not supposed to be a riddle, but I guess it was for me. After I laid down to rest my eyes last night at 10:00 p.m. and didn't wake up until 8:00 in the morning, I figured there was something off with me, but it wasn't until tonight that I finally realized I might be getting sick. :P Considering the fact that people all around me have been ill, I probably should have realized this sooner.

Oh well. I'm downing vitamin C and fluids, so I hopehopehope this goes away quickly. Luckily, Wednesdays I only have work and no class, so I feel okay staying home. I figure if I take a day off right now when I'm feeling almost-sick, I might be able to prevent it from turning into full-sick. *crosses fingers*

My hope is that I don't have to miss class on Thursday, because I seriously love my courses. ( class babble )