I think this will be the last version. XD Maybe if other people find places for improvement, we can even get a whole new, different meme?

The list of contributors is: me, lunapome, laylah, ratzeo, puella_nerdii, maho_kiwi, niwatorimegami, and das_dingsi (IJ). In this version, the latest modifications are in bold.

( The questions )

For those who want it, here's an alternate version of the sex meme, hopefully more interesting and free of damaging assumptions. Co-written by me, lunapome, laylah, ratzeo, puella_nerdii, and maho_kiwi.

Please share as you see fit. If there are any glaring errors or problems, feel free to comment and I'll fix them.

Enjoy!

( The questions )

Furthermore, "[O]verweight people have a lower death rate because they are much less likely to die from a grab bag of diseases that includes Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, infections and lung disease. And that lower risk is not counteracted by increased risks of dying from any other disease, including cancer, diabetes or heart disease."

Take that, popular conceptions of health that assume heavier = unhealthy.

( blah blah me stuff )

I also recommend checking out Kate Harding's BMI Project. Especially for the triathletes who are labelled as "morbidly obese." Yeah.

One day left before zinjadu and I flee the country (breathe, Dora, breathe!) and I'm just about ready to go. All my stuff is ready and just needs to be put in my suitcase. I've even managed to work within the regulations on liquid substances (which, by the way, includes liquid gel cap OTC medicines because they're semi-liquid - which begs the question, what would happen if I packed a cat?). Everything is in order and ready to go.

Now if my debit card would just get here already, dammit.

As you might expect, I'm going to have very little Internet access for the next two weeks. I'm going to try to check my email every few days or so, because I should be getting a notification about my prospective job soon. But besides that, I think I'd rather spend my time seeing the sights - so that means no blog-reading (gasp!). So if there's anything you want to talk to me about, speak now or for-two-weeks hold your peace.

The prospect of going blog-less for a couple of weeks meant that I was eager to get my fill of blogs ... but also a little hesitant, because most of the worthwhile content I read is also rage-inducing in one form or another, and I don't want to start my vacation off on a sour note. But the Internet gods must be smiling on me, because I found a lot of things that pleased me:

( links! )

Okay, that's it from me for now. See you in July!

Read this.

Read it and think about how much hatred we've developed for the natural state of women's bodies. Question that hatred as radically as naamah_darling does. Understand what true respect for women's bodies means, and accept nothing fucking less.

[This is part of my series on Women and Violence, which I am writing as a project for a Women Studies course I'm taking. For an explanation and information on my intentions with this series, please see the introduction.]

In an article titled "'Femininity' and women's silence in response to sexual harassment and coercion," Kathleen V. Cairns describes how harassment of women functions as a method of social control over women's behavior:

[O]vert practices include the public, ritual shaming of women in the form of catcalls, lewd remarks and so on which serves to demonstrate the fact that 'any man or group of men feels entitled not only to pass judgement on any woman walking along minding her own business, but also to announce it to her' [Kotzin 1993: 167]

[...]

In patriarchy, women are taught to accept that their femaleness, their simple presence, are responsible for men's behavior towards them [...] It becomes women's responsibility to police themselves, to keep their dress, comportment and presence within approved limits to avoid 'provoking' harassment. (96-7).

This dynamic - of men acting with impunity to judge women, and women shouldering the blame for men's actions towards them - can be applied to other forms of gender violence as well. What it comes down to is the way that negative reactions from men - or even the anticipation of those reactions - function to police women in everything from their appearance to their behavior.

( the lessons women learn )

x-posted to Shrub.com

[This is part of my series on Women and Violence, which I am writing as a project for a Women Studies course I'm taking. For an explanation and information on my intentions with this series, please see the introduction.]

Yesterday some of my classmates gave a presentation about female genital cutting (though the terminology they used, and which is probably more familiar to people, is "female genital mutilation" - a difference which I'll address later on). It's an important, worthwhile issue, and I'm glad our class is addressing it.

Still, every time the topic comes up in conversation I cringe inwardly.

( Here's why )

x-posted to Shrub.com

[This is part of my series on Women and Violence, which I am writing as a project for a Women Studies course I'm taking. For an explanation and information on my intentions with this series, please see the introduction.]

Next week I'm giving a presentation in class on cosmetic surgery in regards to women of color. Now, cosmetic surgery does not readily fall under most common definitions of 'violence,' and I find myself hesitant to categorically label it as such.

On the one hand, while cosmetic surgery does involve bloody alterations on a person's body, so does surgery in general, and we generally don't label that as violent - especially when voluntarily consented to by the patient. The fact that cosmetic surgery is often (though not always) agreed to by an autonomous individual does mitigate the physical damage it brings.

Of course, we are all aware that 'consent' is a sticky issue, and that we can't ignore the pressures that can constrain a person's ability to make a choice - particularly in the case of women facing pressures to be 'beautiful' in a certain way.

Furthermore, the same level of physical damage can be construed as 'violent' or 'non-violent' depending on the context. Full-contact sports can be performed just as ferociously as a street brawl, yet not be uncontrolled and violent. What's more, a session of safe, sane, and consensual BDSM can be non-violent, while the quietest rape perpetrated under clearly communicated threat is clearly not.

( Where else violence lurks )

x-posted to Shrub.com

One of my Christmas gifts from ratzeo was Body Outlaws, published by the woman-friendly Seal Press. It's a collection of essays by women attempting to rewrite body image outside of conventional beauty standards - and not just white, middle-class, straight women, but women who experience all forms of oppression, including racism.

The first essay is "My Brown Face," by Mira Jacob, an Indian-American woman who constantly finds herself fetishized by white men. Most women of color are familiar with this experience - the 'positive' counterpart of racist degradation - when men tell you how 'beautiful' and 'exotic' you are. This can be accomplished either through ebullient and chivalrous praise, or through crude and fetishistic verbal harassment; Jacob describes instances of both. These anecdotes are presented as contained sections of the essay, without direct commentary - and yet her indignation and disgust towards her 'suitors' is palpable.

I love this essay for the clarity and energy of the writing, the juxtaposition of caustic anger and humor, but also for the personal nuances that Jacobs provides, which are so gratifying to read because they echo my own experience. Very few voices from women of color are heard in the mainstream conversation on body image - one of the reasons I asked ratzeo for this book, in fact - and it was comforting to read things that were familiar to me, but so often overlooked by standard (white) analyses.

( more )

x-posted on Shrub.com

"She's a female character, and one of two things can happen to her: she'll get raped, or she'll get pregnant."

No, it's funny, I promise. And so true. Extra points for the sci-fi (specifically, BSG) context.

(From Racy Li.)

You know what's sexist? White guys who see Asian women as exotic sex objects, something they can use in their porn-based fantasies about "sideways" vaginas. Why? Because everything about me is obscured by my sexual utility for them - they are attempting to define MY identity through THEIR penis.

You know what's ALSO sexist? Asian guys who think that Asian women aren't "Asian" enough if they don't exclusively date Asian men. Why? Because ONCE AGAIN my identity is being defined by a man's penis.

Look. I don't hold with the fringe view that women can only be feminists if they're lesbians, as if having sex with other women was the only way to be in solidarity with them. This is because women can have meaningful and supportive relationships with people that aren't characterized by what goes into their vaginas. Get it? WHAT I do, WHO I am, and WHAT I believe are not determined by whom I choose to fuck.

Oh, wait - that would be who fucks me, because clearly these perspectives treat women as passive sexual receptacles that can only have sex happen to them.

Stop exerting male privilege over me to make yourselves feel more important. Just stop. I don't care if you've got layers of privilege coming out your ass and this is just one more way for you to oppress people; I don't care if you're disadvantaged because of your color or class or whatever, and penis-privilege is all you've got. You DO NOT have the right to lift yourself up by taking advantage of the power society gives you over me.

I have the right to define my identity in the way that I want. That means who I date, but that's just a tiny part of it. It also means: who my important relationships are with, how I spend my time, what I learn, how I challenge the power structures around me.

I also have the responsibility to be aware of how my choices about my romantic relationships - among all the millions of other important choices in my life - affect me. But that DOESN'T mean doling out my sexuality based on the color of a man's penis. Or lack of penis. Or anything else.

I am not defined based on which men do what to me. I am defined based on my mind, not random parts of my body. My body is not the important part of me and my activism. MY VAGINA DOES NOT CONTAIN A MAGIC WELLSPRING OF POLITICAL SOLIDARITY, THANK YOU.

This rant brought to you by the letter FUCKING MORONS WHO CAN'T SEPARATE A WOMAN'S VAGINA FROM HER PERSONHOOD.

Read this.

naamah_darling gives an honest, detailed account of what can be involved in trying to lose weight. This is for every person who has ever criticized fat people as just being "too lazy" to do anything about their weight - or every person who has ever been told that losing weight is "not that hard." We pull this shit way too often, screaming about the "obesity epidemic" and stereotyping all fat people as stupid, greedy, or lazy gluttons who just need to "try harder." Perhaps worst of all is when we think that it's acceptable to go up to strangers - or even acquaintances - whose medical history, level of activity, and eating habits we know nothing of, and give them advice about how they should lead their lives. This post needs to be read by as many people as possible.

(I really wish I could give a copy to this guy and tell him to shut the fuck up. But this is the next best thing.)

The one thing that's missing in the post is greater attention to the economic constraints of losing weight - in particular, the way that healthier food is invariably more expensive, and tools for exercise (equipment, gyms, proper clothing) also costs a lot of money. To say nothing of the fact that a lot of people juggling multiple jobs may not have the time to properly exercise. Economic status can be a big barrier to a healthy lifestyle. Once upon a time, being fat was a sign of high class because it meant you had the wealth to buy a lot of food; now skinniness is the domain of those with the money to buy the organic food, hire the personal trainer, and pay the gym fees.

On a related topic, naamah_darling also has a great post on fat, clothing, and Jean Paul Gaultier's use of a large model.

Dear random-dude-in-my-class,

( Asshattery ahead )

But here's some good that happened today:

My philosophy professor took time to point out the inherent sexism of "we're so good for human rights" political liberalism when it fails to address the abuse of women that occurs in "private" (and therefore, not for the government to interfere in) places. And he didn't even have to be prompted to do it!

(But you know what's pathetic? That this is a special "good" thing that I feel the need to point out, instead of being "normal" or "decent.")

I bought the latest issue of Bitch for a class assignment, and there's a short feature in the back about male nudity in film, which lauds Harvey Keitel and Ewan "wanna see my lightsaber?" McGregor for their openness to baring it all for the camera: "No discussion of male full-frontal nudity is complete without a tip of the hat to these willy-waving pioneers." Really, how can you stay in a bad mood after that? XD

I also met with my advisor in C.O.R.E. about a special presentation I'll be doing for her tomorrow morning. She's a great woman, and talking with her always makes me feel heartened. I'm really glad to be able to help her out.

When I was growing up, I didn't wish I was white. I didn't look at my Barbie dolls and ask my parents why I didn't look like her. I didn't envy my white friends and think, "If I was their race, my life would be better." Of course not.

It was never that obvious.

Here's what I wished: I wished that my eyes were blue and not so narrow, because the ideals of beauty I saw and read and heard about had wide, sky-blue eyes. I wished that my nose, which is wide and flat like my father's, was more narrow and perky. Even though I loved my long hair, and I felt flattered when all the girls would ask to play with it, I wished it weren't so stick-straight, and that it would fall in waves or curls like theirs. I wished that my lips weren't so full, that my smile would be more of a thin, dimple-inducing curve (oh, and I felt left out because I didn't have dimples). I worried that my voice sounded like a boy's, and I wished it could be high and cute like other girls'.

I didn't wish I was a white girl. I just wished I was exactly like a white girl.

( breaking with beauty ideals )

x-posted to Shrub.com

You might remember that New York Times article I linked awhile back, about the usage of "slut." (Unfortunately, the article is no longer available for free; you have to be a paid member.) Here's a choice quote from it:

"'When I think of the word slut,' wrote Don Reisinger, a student doing accounting and law work in Albany, in an e-mail message, 'I think of a woman who has been around the block more times than my dad's Chevy. I might date a slut, but I certainly wouldn't marry one.'"

What is this man saying? Well, let's start with the obvious: he's saying that that a so-called "slut" wouldn't be good enough to marry him, due to her past sexual behavior. However, by saying that he would get married, he's assuming that he would be good enough to marry his future wife - despite his past sexual behavior of having sex with "sluts."

( Women are whores when it's convenient for him )

I just finished reading Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs. There was a lot of good in it - and some bad - and I'll share some of it when I get the chance.

In the meantime, I wanted to say: I'm depressed.

I'm depressed at the way sex and feminism have met in an ugly train wreck of a collision, such that it seems inevitable that one or the other gets twisted and mutilated when we deal with the two issues together. I don't know exactly why this has happened - whether it's the fault of the feminist in-fighting of the "sex wars" of the 1980s, or the manipulation by conservative pundits, or the simple fact that sex is really personal and complicated and scary - and so is feminism, so what chance do you have at putting the two together?

I've seen both sides of the "sex wars." I've seen the self-proclaimed sex-positive feminists, and their counterparts (for whom I haven't been able to find a label that is widely agreed upon, except maybe anti-porn). I really don't think the two are as far apart as they might seem. But I haven't been satisfied by either one on its own.

And thus, I've decided to get a little pretentious.

( A personal manifesto on sex and feminism )

Warning the First: This post will be rambly and possibly long, because I don't really know what I'm going to say. I don't really know what I think.

Warning the Second: I will be talking about sex. Not in a personal-TMI way, but in a blunt-language-TMI way.

( In which recent events force me to think about sex )

*posted early because I probably won't have time to do it tomorrow

Female genital cutting is a practice followed in many countries throughout Africa, a few in the Middle East, and occasionally in other continents, including Europe and North America. It involves a variety of procedures, depending on the community practicing it: Circumcision or sunna involves the "removal of the prepuce or hood of the clitoris, with the body of the clitoris remaining intact." Excision or clitoridectomy is the "removal of the clitoris and all or part of the labia minora." Intermediate cutting involves the "removal of the clitoris, all or part of the labia minora, and sometimes part of the labia majora." In infibulation or pharaonic cutting, there is "removal of the clitoris, the labia minora, and much of the labia majora. The remaining sides of the vulva are stitched together to close up the vagina, ecept for a small opening, which is preserved with slivers of wood or matchsticks." (From Warrior Marks by Alice Walker and Pratibha Parmar)

You've probably at least heard of the practice, and heard a lot about it if you've studied feminism or international human rights. Have you heard of labiaplasty? It's an elective surgery practiced here in the U.S. in which the labia (minora or majora) are trimmed to be smaller, or injected with fat from elsewhere in the body to be fuller.

( So what's the difference? )

Sex is more satisfying in countries where women and men are considered equal.

In other news, studies find that conversations are more productive when both people are listening.

Here's a fun experiment. Go here and check out the image of Diana (a.k.a. Wonder Woman). Would you call the image sexualized?

I didn't, at first. Down in the comments section of the post, however, you can see an interesting conversation initiated by Tekanji that got me thinking. Her thoughts are further developed in this entry, which shows just how far my selective blindness clouded my initial interpretation.

As a lifelong comics fan, I've learned to tolerate T&A. I do see it, and recognize it, all the time - but I just put up with it. Or so I thought. But if you're exposed to something long enough, you begin to get numb until the point where you don't even notice it - in this case, the sexualization of female characters even in supposedly neutral settings.

This is what I'm used to seeing, and ignoring. (Enlarge the image if you dare.) But that's an obvious, if unintentional, exaggeration that everyone can recognize and laugh at. The stuff talked about above is more insidious.

Oh, and the "experiment" part comes from who does the evaluating - my guess is, if you haven't had at least some exposure to comic books (or anime), you'll have a similar reaction as I did. People who aren't familiar with the habits of comic art (see some comments in Tekanji's post) can recognize the sexual nature of the pose immediately.