Dora (sigelphoenix) wrote,

Personal landmarks

First, context: I hate embarrassment more than just about any other feeling in the world, and physical embarrassment is even worse because (I feel) it's more noticeable. Also, when I'm embarrassed for any reason, I have a strong physical reaction of my body locking up.

Last night, I nearly fell on my ass during salsa class, which was remarkable not because of the infrequency with which I fall on my ass or am otherwise clumsy (haha, no), but because of my reaction: I was okay with it.

I was partner-less for a rotation because we had more follows than leads last night, so I took the time to work on the one-and-a-half spin that we've been learning. That in itself is an improvement over what I used to be able to do, because I'm usually shy about learning things in front of other people (see above re: physical embarrassment), so flailing around solo in the middle of class is progress for me (when the instructor has us practice moves facing the mirror, I have to keep my eyes locked on her rather than watching myself, because then I imagine that everyone is staring at me while I look awkward ... even though I'm sure the others are more concerned with their own learning). Anyway, I guess I was dizzy from what I'd already done with a partner, because I totally swung myself off balance and nearly ate it.

I was definitely flustered, and more cautious about trying it again (though I did, eventually, and kept stumbling a little ... I think I was just having an off night). But I didn't stop practicing; I just told myself everyone else was focused on their own dancing (which is probably true) and kept going. And I didn't want to stuff myself in a dark closet to curl up in a ball! At least, not much. Progress!

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