December 15th, 2007

thinky tim

Promise/demand for myself

I just made a Dick Blick order on impulse. Originally, I was just going to browse the website, get a feel for it, and see what I wanted to order in the future. But then I saw that they're having a holiday sale, and anyway coramegan gave me a gift certificate for Christmas, and I thought, if I want to pick up drawing again, I might as well equip myself from the get-go. So.

I've got markers, paper, pens, and pencils coming in the mail (hopefully arriving before I leave Seattle to visit my parents). And I need to tell myself to actually use them.

See, normally I'm doubly thwarted by my Type A desire to hoard things (if I get shiny things like art materials, I'm tempted to keep them rather than use them), combined with my paralyzing lack of self-confidence (the nasty voice in the back of my head says that I'd just use them poorly anyway, so why bother). I could, without exaggeration, keep the markers that peartreealley gave me, all nice and pretty in their case, and let them dry out without ever really using them.

So here's my little message for myself: Self, you are going to use these things that you just plunked down a nice chunk of change for. It doesn't matter if you might suck at using them. Because right now, you do suck. But you used to be kind of good, back in the day, or at least you had potential; and you could be kind of good again. If you try. And in order to do that, you've got to actually use the stuff. You're buying enough quantities that you can mess up, use them up, and still have leftover to try again. And it's okay if you mess up and use them up. For reals.

And now it's time for sleep.
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