July 20th, 2010

thinky tim

(no subject)

I wish that being around impressive people left me feeling more inspired than intimidated. Right now it's the other way around.

When I'm in my element - when I know the parameters of a situation - I feel like I have the confidence and energy to be as fierce as I need to be. But I'm not a natural leader; when I don't know my way around a situation, I sit back (hide) and wait and watch. In my current mental and emotional state, this results in letting inertia take over and me not moving beyond this point. And then I feel bad. But if someone comes along who knows (enough of) what they're doing, and acts, I feel inspired ... and then intimidated because I know so little, and have done so little. And then I feel bad. When really I want to be ... if not fighting alongside them, at least supporting them actively.

Sorry for the crypticness. I don't think the details are important here, so much as the general trend.

comment count unavailablecomments | Leave a comment | Link