November 9th, 2011

thinky tim

Dancing log, entry 1

I've always wanted to learn how to dance. I've made a go at learning a couple of times - in elementary school, my parents put my sister and me in traditional Chinese dance lessons for a couple of months; in high school, I took a west coast swing class; and in college, I went to lindy hop lessons given by a campus club. But I was just dabbling - I never thought I could actually get good, because I never thought of myself as a "dancer." I just assumed that "dancers" were people who'd taken ballet/jazz/etc. since the age of 6, and would forever and always be dancers, and the rest of us just weren't. I certainly wished I could be, but I was too sure that my age/clumsiness/introversion/inability to wiggle my hips meant that I shouldn't try now. And one thing I've always been good at is talking myself out of things, especially when it comes to convincing myself why I should try something new.

In possibly one of the cheesiest and most prosaic stories of inspiration ever, I started reconsidering my attitude when I began watching Dancing With the Stars. Here I was reminded of the grace and glamour that originally impressed me about dancing, all with high-budget glitz and a good bit of reality TV drama besides. And on top of that, the premise is that non-dancing celebrities get intense, one-on-one training in order to become dancers - celebrities who are already adults, usually have little or no dance experience, and often learn to become elegant and sexy dancers (or at least pull off some elegant and sexy performances).

So that's when I started thinking about it, but like I said, I'm good at talking myself out of things, so I sat on that feeling (and just fed it bits of wistful self-doubt) for two years. But last month, I started taking some classes through the University's community course offerings. And I am still doubting myself and/or feeling terror at my lack of talent at times, but I'm doing it anyway.

(I feel like part of my motivation is the approaching three oh - I'm 27 in a month, and I want to take advantage of my youth before my body starts to feel the creaks and cracks of age. And it's not like I won't be able to do anything after I turn 30 - I realize I sound a little silly, and I think it's the right of anyone of a certain age to laugh at someone younger who is facing a _____life crisis. But, it is true that getting older does not make physical activities any easier. Even if I'm not as flexible and energetic as I was at 10 or 15 years old, I want to focus on what I can still do. I don't want to focus so much on how I "wasted" my adolescence that I hit 30 and then wonder why I wasted my 20s.)

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